S01E01 Shadow Detected

### Segments
1. **Cold Open: "Previously on Element47..."** — Breezy recaps events from a show that hasn't aired; existential confusion ensues
2. **Shadow Declaration** — Punxsutawney Phil files Form 7-B with Margaret Stone; shadows may have been editing Wikipedia
3. **Fake Ad: Consolidated #1** — "We're already there."
4. **The Shadow Knows (Your Metadata)** — Dr. Undertow counsels patient whose shadow is documenting them; Jimmy Wales couldn't delete himself either
5. **Local Door Achieves Sentience** — Sparky DeLion reports on Lockin V7 Max that has begun interviewing replacement residents
6. **Interstitial: Breezy Fontaine #1** — Breezy misunderstands the door situation beautifully
7. **The Switchboard Connects** — Francis Bacon (disambiguation unclear) reviews LEGO Smart Brick at CES; both Bacons present
8. **Fake Ad: Consolidated #2** — "We're patient."
9. **All Currents: The Water in Your Veins** — Beverley Streams interviews Lockin engineer; becomes convinced vein-scanning is water detection
10. **LEGO Tactical Briefing** — Colonel Rayburn briefs team on LEGO union formation; Block 47 has demands
11. **Panel: The Nationality Question** — Dr. Foundation, Professor Aether, and The Endorser debate U2, Eagles, Francis Bacon; tectonics involved
12. **Technical Difficulties: Edit Conflict** — Two versions of broadcast exist simultaneously; 2026 editorial guidelines invoked
13. **Phil from Accounting at the Olympics** — Phil pursues Lindsey Vonn about 2019 ski reimbursement forms; she injures knee mid-run
14. **Fake Ad: Kennedy Center Tactical Renovations** — Colonel Rayburn announces black-tie gala / live fire exercise
15. **Microslop Hearings / Form 10-B** — Congressional hearing derailed by The Endorser; Margaret Stone notes IRS lawsuit form limitations
16. **Closer: Episode Filing** — The Narrator files the episode with Margaret Stone; Phil returns having checked all shadow boxes